Would You Tell Someone If You Think They're Fat?

Your mother was right! It really is best to say nothing if you have nothing nice to say!

I was having a conversation with someone the other day and they told me I am fat.  It was nice how they went out of their way to give me this information.  Because you know, had they not, I would have been clueless about my little problem. 

For real, I know I'm fat, okay?  I can see the numbers on the scale and I'm intimately acquainted with my muffin top.  We are BFFs.

I know for sure that I have a weight issue.  I've had it basically my whole life and have battled with said issue.  We've had wars where I fought full throttle with countless hours of spinning classes and flavorless rice cakes.  And from the looks of things, I've lost most of those battles.  It's a fact of my life. I'm quite aware of it, thank you very much.

The most offensive part of this person's comment was not that they said it, after all, if someone said that to me with the intention of helping or out of concern, I would welcome it. Hey, if I'm willing to publicly blog about my fatness then you can clearly see how I might be open to a respectful conversation about it.  No,  it was that they said  it with the sole intention of pointing it out as a flaw. My big fat flaw.

I know I'm flawed. I never tried to pretend I wasn't.  Most of us are riddled with flaws.  Unfortunately, being overweight is a flaw I can't hide.  There are other flaws that I can hide.  Like that I can be impatient and judgmental.  I also hide that even though I am 36 years old, I clandestinely watch (and love) "The Secret Life Of The American Teenager."

Oh yes, I know my flaws.  I don't need anyone to point them out to me. I don't like them any more than you do.  But imagine if we were allowed to walk around pointing out people's flaws to them.  "Pst, hey you...just so you know, your left eye is slightly higher than your right eye and also...your ears are too big."

There are certain flaws that we all have that are obvious.  We know we have them and so does everyone else.  Like, we all know if someone likes to wear their clothes too tight.  Or if they haven't cut their split ends in ten years.  We know if you are balding or if you have acne.  It's just that most of us wouldn't approach someone with acne and be all, " hey pizza face, you have pimples.  Just thought you should know.  In case you don't own a mirror."

I wonder if my so-called-friend would like it if I called her out on their obvious flaws.  And there are some glaringly obvious ones, let me tell ya! One of them recently became much more obvious.  I should inform her of this, make sure she's aware.  You know, like if I casually informed captain obvious that they are rude, discourteous, uncouth and lacking in grace and refinement.

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Alicia Yost May 30, 2011 at 11:59 AM
Sarah, I had a similar experience about ten years ago with a doctor and it was HORRIBLE! I left the office in tears and I have to say that it has negatively impacted my feeling about doctors ever since. I didn't go to the doc for YEARS after that because of that experience. I did eventually find a doctor in middletown during my pregnancy who one day approached me in the most amazing of ways. She sat down with me like a friend and gave me information that was totally helpful and most of all, supportive! Thanks to her I ended up losing 75 pounds. I've since put most of that back on but that's my own fault not hers. I'm just saying a doctor has the power to motivate and inspire or completely squelch our efforts. I wish most of them knew that!
Sick of your whining October 24, 2012 at 02:15 AM
Hey, if you're fat, you're fat. No sense in whining about it. Either that or get off your fat ass and do something about it.
Darrell Lucas October 24, 2012 at 03:09 AM
One persons flaw is another's strength.
Alicia Yost October 24, 2012 at 12:14 PM
I wish other people would take that advice too. If I'm fat, I'm fat. No sense in their whining about my being fat. When I want to stop being fat, I will. And it won't affect them at all.
Cate Tsahalis October 24, 2012 at 02:24 PM
From what I can tell, you're witty and adorable and completely undeserving of such unkind words. That being said, you may have made one judgement flaw when choosing this particular friend! True friends don't ignore our flaws, but they do respect them. They're the people who can say, "Hey, your butt looks a little big in those pants, but I love you and your ample butt anyway!" When "friends" spend more time judging than supporting, it's usually time to part ways.


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