Getting the Hang of the Empty Nest

Everyone keeps asking "so how do you like the empty nest?" My mom keeps adding, "must be so quiet now, huh?", as if to insinuate that my husband and I are clueless mutes who don't know what to do with ourselves now that our roudy kids are gone.  The truth is the noise in the house before the kids left was coming mostly from us and our roudy friends anyhow and our last child was never there most of the time.  He was too busy practicing for 'gigs' and then fulfilling them when he wasn't off singing at the London Olympics so 'no' it isn't that quiet in our house.

It is however, a lot cleaner.  We are no longer a teenage dumping ground. That, I admit is very nice.  While I miss seeing my last child's beautiful face every day I do not miss the paraphenalia that came with him.  Mostly because it was never actually with him; more like strewn all over my house and never in the actual places they should be.  I have so many more thoughts and time to myself now mostly because no one is asking me to stop what I am doing or thinking about to go and find where the paraphenalia is that should have been attached to him. And yet despite his obvious need for constant assistance he remains a fine, functioning young man. These things tend to puzzle mothers everywhere. Of course, what I don't see in his dorm room can't bother me.

I never dreamed laundry could fit in one laundry basket or be so insignificant in our lives again. We actually reuse our towels more than once; a concept that escaped our son for most of his eighteen years and now we can get into either bathroom anytime of day or night. No waiting! Groceries actually last past the first day, toilet paper is lasting longer and I don't have to purchase any junkfood. No one is complaining about vegetables and I can cook chicken and fish at will. Pinch me.

I haven't cleaned toothpaste off the bathroom sink in a month or found an empty cereal box in the cabinet either. Say it isn't so. Okay, so I have to clean the cat litter box now and my husband has to mow the lawn again but I think the tradeoffs are worth it. 

And as far as the term 'empty nest' goes I think whoever coined it really meant emptying the house - at least in our case.  My son has only been gone a month and we haven't stopped cleaning out.  So far we've cleaned out closets, drawers, the garage, the basement, the office and I just picked up paint swatches for the kitchen and hallway.  At our tag sale last week someone asked us if we were moving and we said "nope, but our son did!" Ok, I'll admit there was a tiny bit of glee in our voices but not for the reason you'd think. 

We're not heartless.  I cried for hours after dropping my son off at college in August and for the next couple a days too.  It took me the next week of talking with him everyday on Facebook to relax about him not being home.  I slowly adjusted to the reality of him not being in the house at night.  But I've always known that when my son left home one day he would NOT be back permanently.  He's always been meant for bigger things and while I know he misses us and his friends back home he has already jumped with both feet into his new community; new friends, new activities, new goals.  There is no grass growing under his fast moving feet.  And so, there will be no grass growing under mine.

The glee in our voices was reflective of the 'starting over' we are doing.  We are emptying our nest of the accumulation of things we no longer need; we are 'pairing' (pun intended) back.  It was once just the two of us and it is back to that. Unless you count the two dogs, one of whom was the product of child-begging (we'll take care of him, isn't he cute?, he'll only be 25 lbs [he's 50]), and where are they?, and the cat (we were only supposed to cat-sit for a year, it's been 3).  But...I digress. We are starting to remember the fun we had before children and are excited about bringing our life back to that.  The freedom of being able to go anywhere at anytime is intoxicating and feels a little risque somehow.  All the better.

Look, it was a little iffy there for a day or so, I could've gone either way; I could have stayed in the land of sadness where I miss that place called motherhood. I loved that placed where my children were growing up, and needed me all the time. I dedicated most of my adulthood to that place. I have a career based on that place.  I could have stayed where my heart ached. But that's not where my kids need me now and that's not where I need me now.  Besides I'd have to live in a helicopter to be that mom and there's nothing risque about that.  If I stay in the empty nest at least they know where to find me.

In the meantime, my husband and I are recreating the nest. First, we empty, then we recreate. It's been kid friendly for so long, now it will be couple friendly again.  It will accommodate a new lifestyle - a his/her lifestyle.  When acquaintances have run into us in recent days they've commented on how relaxed we look. Hmmm...

While we work on the nest..we work on our lives too. We are doing a lot more couple things again; trying to get and stay healthy, having more fun together, going out more often and taking care of each other.  And whatever the nest is going to be, it will be a reflection of a life full of friends, laughter, love and fun; just like when their were kids in it - only a lot neater now.

'Empty nest' implies something was lost; like it's a barren, sad thing. From where I'm sitting, it's looking pretty spectatular; it was a jumping off point for two awesome young adults and when those former inhabitants come back to visit they will find it a clean, warm, cozy, organized place to stay...for a short while anyway, don't want them getting too comfortable again.