“I have nothing to declare but the fact that you should go out with me.”
– Oscar Wilde
It may seem like a pretty strange and straightforward statement and you may be embarrassed to think about uttering this type of phrase to a woman (or man) you’ve just met, but trust me when I tell you that it will give you a better chance or getting that phone number than what you are about to read below.
Earlier this month, you had a chance to read about one of my least memorable moments as I revealed to you a first date that was plagued with problems in my analysis of “.”
That skunk and I are still at war to this day – wait, you missed it? Be sure to click the link. Trust me, it’s a good story.
The fact of the matter is, however, I would never have had the opportunity to have that bad date if I used these gems to try and get a woman’s attention.
Bad pick-up lines are part of life. We’ve all heard them before, usually as a punch line to a joke or a comic relief in itself to an everyday conversation. Unfortunately for many women and a few men out there, however, these lines you are about to read have actually been used in an effort to score a date.
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They didn’t work. Well, at least I’m hoping they didn’t work.
Now before we get into the nitty-gritty, bad pick-up lines can be properly used to your advantage if spoken in the right manner at the right time. Don’t believe me? Check out this video from TMI showing you how to properly utilize a bad pick-up line.
That said, the examples they used are not included below. Oh, no. Check out these lines which friends, family and acquaintances have told me were actually used in real life efforts:
7. “I'm a photographer and I've been searching for a face like yours.”
Really? First of all guys, referencing yourself as a photographer during an introduction is not only cheesy, it’s just plain wrong. The only exception is if you are actually a photographer for a living and they’ve asked you what you do for work.
Don’t worry ladies – or gentlemen – there is a comeback to help you solve this problem. Just turn back to the perpetrator, or 'perp' from here on out, and say, “That’s funny, I’m a plastic surgeon and I’ve been looking for a face like yours!”
6. “Where have you been all my life?”
This is definitely not the way to get a date. It cries desperation and suggests you are insincere and simply looking for a fun night or have even deeper problems that the target wants no part of. Prepare in advance with just three words: “Hiding from you.”
5. “It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.”
There’s just one thing to say back to the 'perp' at a time like this: “Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.”
4. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
This was one that nearly a dozen different women told me they had heard during a night out on the town. I mean, come on guys! You’ve got to have something better than that in your bag of tricks, right? No? Well then don’t be surprised when the girl responds with “No, I don’t but try again. Just next time by, keep walking.”
3. “Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.”
Umm, creepy! An ex of mine said this was the worst line she had heard. No, it wasn’t from me – why would you assume that? That’s just mean. For that, you don’t get the comeback to this one.
OK, fine. Here’s the comeback: “No, but I can help you find your way. The door is right over there.”
2. “I thought ‘Very Fine’ only came in a bottle.”
This was one that I heard first in like fifth-grade and then again in passing a party in college. The guy was holding a bottle of Very Fine juice he’s just used to make punch. I laughed. The woman that the guy happened to be hitting on did not.
The girl froze in utter disgust, making an expression that looked something like what popular Youtube comedian Jenna Marbles calls “the face.” But she could have escaped fairly quickly if she used the following phrase in return, “Interesting, and I thought tools only hung at the hardware store.”
1. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
It’s the classic punch line to the joke series known as awful pick-up lines, but a close friend of mine actually had this said to her at a bar one night just about a year ago. Now the reason I saved this for number one was because what she said next made me actually laugh so hard that I needed to leave the bar to regain my composure.
“Of course not, my angel wings helped break the fall. But did it hurt when they threw your *** from the depths of hell?”
By the way, the guy left with me and did not return. I haven’t seen him since, actually. Maybe he went back to hell?
Now that I’ve started the discussion, I’d love to hear what the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard used in real life was. Of course, please also feel free to share your favorite joke lines – just keep it appropriate.
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